Category Archives: Self-Empowerment

Freedom’s Gift of Faithfulness

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Freedom’s Gift of Faithfulness As though it was a friend that was painstakingly selected and nurtured, I said a tough goodbye to the Nichols and Stone cherry table and chairs as they passed through the front door. They were moved out the day of property division, along with many other items that just weren’t as meaningful. It wasn’t just furniture to me. It was a place where I had fed my kids many meals. We had shared stories and laughter. While some moments shared there weren’t always pleasant, I would choose to remember the good times.

We were left with a big empty kitchen floor and bar top that seated three – yet there were four of us. Having meals together was sacred to me. How would I solve this, among all the other new challenges that presented themselves endlessly during this time of endless change? As in other times of need, I opted to pray earnestly for a functional table and chairs. And, as long as I was asking, it needed to be functional, as well as have great visual appeal in a home that was also being sold.

The next day I set out to find a replacement. I was drawn to a resell store I had heard about, in hopes the new find wouldn’t break a budget that was already stretched due to a divorce. When I walked in and described what I was looking for, the owner in surprise said, “We just had a table and chairs delivered that sounds exactly like what you want. It’s still in the back. Come take a look.” My expectant heart was nervous as I wondered if my search could really be this easy. When I saw the set, I was in disbelief. It was better than what I had hoped for or imagined. It was a bigger table, with seating for 8 instead of 6.  Although it wasn’t cherry, the maple brownish red stained top passed as a close resemblance, and the black painted accents matched my décor perfectly. The price was exactly what I budgeted.

That was ten years ago. Many fond and precious times were had at this new gathering place in our next home where freedom birthed many new beginnings. It was a sign of provision and faithfulness to me each time I glanced at it or sat down at it to break bread. Over the years, the seats had become lovingly worn from the rivet marks of fancy jeans’ pockets. A few missing touches of black paint were barely apparent.

I recently decided to upgrade our kitchen area. With a reluctant spirit, I posted the table, chairs and matching bench for sale online. After a few hits from curious, but not serious contenders, I received a message of unquestionable intent. “If this isn’t sold, I’ll take it. May I pick it up tonight?” We quickly firmed up a plan. My throat had a lump and I unexpectedly became emotional, along with the relief to just be done. As promised, the new owner arrived with eagerness to take my friend that was originally a mere substitute – yet had turned out to be so much more.

As we carried it piece by piece out to her truck, I teared up. I asked her if she was a believer. She confidently said, “Yes I am.” That was the gateway into my story of how this wasn’t just furniture. It was a sign of God’s faithfulness and promise. She then shared that she was having a group of women from her church over the next evening, and when she saw this table, she was drawn to it after looking at countless others. This dear woman, who now felt eerily familiar to me, told me about the traditional Southern feast she would be cooking and serving as the first meal fitting for this table. I told her this made the ending and new beginning even sweeter. As a Southern girl who had grown up and filled her stomach on the very fried chicken and gravy and peach cobbler she was preparing for her guests, my heart was now full as well.

My journey of freedom is full of countless stories of faithfulness. I was compelled to share this one to give others hope. When we step into or are called into the unknown, fear can consume us. We naturally ask, “Can I make it work?” “Will I be able to do this on my own?” along with many “What if…?” questions that cause us even more unnecessary worry and stress.

Remember to just simply believe. Trusting our Provider frees us from worry and sets us on a path to discover and rest on the true and lasting faithfulness of our Promise Keeper.

Get Ready for Take-Off: The Flight to Freedom

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(Excerpt from Chapter 6, The Attractive Trap)

On a visit to Kitty Hawk, NC, I visited the famous Wright Brothers Museum. On one of the walls the three obstacles and subsequent lessons of flight were posted. After laborious trial and effort, the Wright brothers established three hurdles that must be overcome and applied in order to take and sustain flight. These same obstacles and lessons are the same hurdles all of the women in my book, The Attractive Trap, had to learn in order to ultimately escape their traps.

 

Obstacle Number One- Lift

In order to take off, you first have to achieve lift.  A wing surface has to be designed to take the greatest advantage of the fact that any air particles streaming across the upper and lower surfaces of the wing will keep it aloft.

Within each of us a resiliency and resolve to change must be established within our core.  This resiliency provides the strength and fortitude to not only take the initiative to change but to use the negative things that want to get in the way of the escape. The very stuff that aids in lifting or providing the initial momentum will also keep the process aloft.

Obstacle Number 2- Power

The Wright Brothers needed the design of a light weight, high powered engine along with efficient propellers, and a transmission mechanism which would provide enough propulsive force to provide forward motion, lift the heavy machine, and sustain that motion while in the air.

We can use our fuel such as anger or years of hurt in order to fuel the strength and health we need to press into the wind ahead. This allows us to convert emotions like anger to power and energy to move us through the flight.

Obstacle Number 3- Control

Stability and direction are always required for a successful flight.  The air flow over the rapidly turning blades of a propeller-driven plane produces thrust, or forward motion.  Each blade of the propeller acts as a small rotating force allowing air to flow over its curved surface. It then allows for horizontal “lift” which propels the aircraft forward.

The Wright Brothers borrowed this principle of thrust from their knowledge of how a bicycle works.  As we start and continue to peddle, momentum ensues.

“Just keep moving forward”, is the message we must tell ourselves and apply.  We can always find the resources needed for the next step as a way to provide momentum.  If we stop at any point along the way, lift, power and control are lost, interfering with our go forward position.  Each time we delay, we become increasingly unsure of the process and push the pause button. When we land again and go through lift off multiple times, it delays our flight and subsequent freedom.

No matter how you are trying to advance in life – momentum is everything in driving the process.   As long as you keep going forward in the right direction, your momentum will take you to the desired state.  Guaranteed.

Buckle your seatbelt. It’s time for take-off.

Just. One. Word.

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Just. One. Word.

What’s the power of a single word? Just one word? If you could only pick one word to guide your thoughts and actions for this year, what would it be?

At the beginning of each year, many feel internal and/ or external pressure to make the traditional New Year’s resolutions. Those arguing resolutions are too esoteric may pen more measurable and realistic aspirations, or goals. Whatever camp you’re in, let me suggest changing up or even expanding upon your approach for 2017.

In The Attractive Trap, I highlight the importance of claiming your purpose and passion to help guide you on your journey. Having a word as your mantra or “word of the year” can help you find that focus. When you go through the grit of a difficult marriage or relationship, you have to refigure yourself out and having a “word of the year” can help you focus and stay on track to your core values and what you want to focus on as you begin to grow and develop your calling or purpose.

For the past several years, I’ve chosen one word as “the word of the year”. Since 1915, Webster has also selected a word of the year so I can’t claim they got the idea from me. In 2015, instead of selecting a word for the year, Wikipedia chose an emoticon/pictograph of the year. A sure sign of the times!
I can’t tell you how or the exact year this idea started for me – only that it’s worked brilliantly in providing focus on what’s important and in guiding choices.

The year I needed to make a major life decision, my word was CHOICES. For perhaps the first time ever, I realized I had a choice in that situation. It was transforming. The next year, my word was ADVENTURE. At the tender age of 47, I started swimming, biking and running, and learned about my love for triathlons. In another year, the word was ABUNDANCE. Everything I needed, and even some things I wanted, found me. The next year the word was GRATITUDE – for my family and husband, my health, and the gift of rising every day to live life doing what I love. Last year my word was SIMPLIFY. My last of three children left for college. For the first time in almost 26 years, the nest was empty so I decluttered, chose commitments wisely as well as eliminated what didn’t feed my soul. This year my word is JOY – having that eternal feeling of inner bliss in all situations.

What’s your one word? Share it on our Facebook page. It’s Just. One. Word. And, it’s guaranteed to help you connect with your purpose and become the butterfly you’re meant to be.

Freedom Shows Up in the Most Unexpected Places

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Freedom shows up
It was a typical humid August day in Yadkin County, NC. I had been in my hometown for just a few days with the family for our annual summer trip. On this morning I was sitting outside in the early hours alone, just thinking – a rarity for a normal day. As I savored my last few sips of coffee, I realized I had seen three yellow butterflies close enough to catch.

Reluctantly moving on with my day, I gathered up my gym bag and headed to the local YMCA. While driving there, I spotted yet another butterfly. Why was this significant to me? My book cover designer claimed a single butterfly months before as the visual representation for freedom on the cover of my book, The Attractive Trap. So for me, these colorful and symbolic creatures now rarely go unnoticed.

Once at the gym, I checked the box on my swim then headed to the stationary bike. Within minutes of choosing my ride for the next hour, a companion cyclist made her way to the bike beside of me. Something on HGTV caught our attention at the same time and in unison we commented to each other. This was the beginning of what will be a long remembered conversation.

Velma introduced herself as we continued our talk. Maybe we were chatting to pass the time, or perhaps it was that we both sensed there was something deeper to our new connection. Ultimately we discovered it was the latter. Velma, a spry 72 year old beauty, had recently moved back to the area to be with family. As our talk progressed, the commonality stunned me.

Velma, one of eight children, had left home right after high school to be with someone she had met on a whim in NYC. She put herself through nursing school, worked hard, and was a strong, purposeful woman. In spite of her spunk, and maybe even because of it, Velma had attracted and married a “trapper”.

Velma continued to stay in NYC, knowing all the while she was being abused. But “it wasn’t that often”, and rarely physical. With so many miles between her and her family in NC, she opted to stay, even though her few eventual confidantes encouraged her to leave. For more than 30 years, Velma stayed in the trap. One day, with an earthshattering awakening, Velma broke free. That was seven years ago and now, she was back home in NC, on a bike – the first claim to freedom for all of us.

The sweat started to surface on Velma’s yellow shirt as she rode and talked. From my vantage point, it was as though the tears cried inside of her had been collected all of those years and were now releasing through her skin. Our collision wasn’t a simple coincidence. It was heaven-breathed. I was Velma and Velma was me.

As the sweat continued to cool Velma, I felt it too. Those were my tears and part of my labored course on the path to freedom. Like Velma, I became free and transformed into a butterfly. That was the part of the story that brought smiles to our faces as our encounter came to a joyful close.

Velma was the last butterfly I saw that day, but I’ve continued to see them. And most of them, like freedom, show up in the most unexpected places.