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Freeing yourself from an unhealthy relationship

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What Happens in the Canyon…

Posted on June 20, 2017 by Teresa Carey

By Teresa G. Carey, Author – The Attractive Trap

My husband tried to prepare me more than once, “You’ll leave something there, but you’ll take something far better out with you.”  As we started the trek from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon at 5:30 a.m. with two of our five kids, his advice kept repeating in my head. Yes, I anticipated nature’s splendor, expected physical discomfort and was counting on reaching the opposite rim before dark.  What else could possibly happen in THE canyon that would be so impactful?

Let’s get this straight – I was showing up to prove I could hike this beast of a canyon – rim to rim for 25ish miles in spite of the altitude challenges, hydration and heat issues.  And, yes, I also wanted the four of us to share in this gutsy glory and grandeur together. Although there were warning signs advising of the potential dangers of taking the full hike on in one day, I was convinced that was for all of those other people.

One month later, I’m still transfixed by the experience And, as usual, my husband who was no stranger to the canyon having run rim to rim to rim a few years ago, was spot on. These take-aways are a few of the treasures that came out with me, yet could never describe what happened that will sacredly stay there.

Control what you can, understand what you can’t, and lean into the unknown.

There was a complete surrender to the conditions that were out of our control – the heat, the terrain and the altitude. We could only control the training undertaken in our preparation and making sure we consumed sufficient water and nutrition the day of the hike. Having never trained in these exact conditions, we weren’t sure how our bodies would react. We found out quickly. The temperature variance was 50 degrees in about 4 hours and the elevation difference was about 6000 feet for both rims. We absolutely knew we weren’t in Kansas anymore.

When in unfamiliar territory, instead of resisting or questioning, it’s much more effective to dance with the experience, learning along the way while being fully present in each moment.

Pace Yourself

Two of us paced ourselves early on, allowing an energy reserve for the hardest part of the hike during the 8 mile climb out. Those who didn’t pace themselves struggled the most with heat stroke and cramps (We agreed the details of this part of the trek would always stay in the canyon!). There’s a reason this is touted as the one of the “ten most dangerous hiking trails.”  The heat in the box can reach over 120 degrees and the unexpected dozens of switchbacks invite a treacherous fall. Heat strokes are common. Dehydration is familiar. If you stop to rest a few minutes each hour and take in nutrition, you allow your body to pace, reserving the most energy for the most challenging part of the climb out.

When we treat too many areas with the tyranny of the urgent, our energy and impact are may be diminished for those things that ultimately matter.

Nature is cathartic – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

In the canyon I became intimately present with myself and my Creator. It was transforming to experience the diverse and breathtaking beauty, the connection with nature and to hear only the internal beat of the drummer. The many proven benefits of connecting with nature were illuminated.  Here is just a handful:

  • “Group nature walks are linked with significantly lower depression, less perceived stress and enhanced mental health and well-being” (The University of Michigan, with partners from De Montfort University, James Hutton Institute, and Edge Hill University in the United Kingdom.)
  • “Those more immersed in natural settings are more generous, whereas those immersed in non-natural settings are less likely to give. In other words, autonomy and relatedness encouraged participants to (in this study) to focus on their intrinsic values for relationships and community rather than on personal gain.” (Weinstein, Przybylski and Ryan: University of Rochester)
  • “Early research found that in the act of contemplating nature, the brain is relieved of ‘excess’ circulation (or activity) and nervous system activity is reduced. … restoring harmony to the functions of the brain as a whole. This is a technical explanation of the process that occurs when people ‘clear their head’ by going for a walk in a natural setting.” (World Health Promotion)

There was no perceived stress. I was and am beyond grateful. My head is refreshingly clear.

We can’t always hike the Grand Canyon for our next life-changing adventure. We can, however, go for walks in the park or on a local trail or grab some much needed vacation time in a natural setting.

Because you never know what will happen “in the canyon” that you’ll leave behind or take away that will forever change you.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Growth Experiences | Tags: Adventure, Colorado, Family vacation, Grand Canyon, hiking, nature, rim-to-rim, walk in the park, World health |

Just. One. Word.

Posted on January 16, 2017 by Teresa Carey

Just. One. Word.

What’s the power of a single word? Just one word? If you could only pick one word to guide your thoughts and actions for this year, what would it be?

At the beginning of each year, many feel internal and/ or external pressure to make the traditional New Year’s resolutions. Those arguing resolutions are too esoteric may pen more measurable and realistic aspirations, or goals. Whatever camp you’re in, let me suggest changing up or even expanding upon your approach for 2017.

In The Attractive Trap, I highlight the importance of claiming your purpose and passion to help guide you on your journey. Having a word as your mantra or “word of the year” can help you find that focus. When you go through the grit of a difficult marriage or relationship, you have to refigure yourself out and having a “word of the year” can help you focus and stay on track to your core values and what you want to focus on as you begin to grow and develop your calling or purpose.

For the past several years, I’ve chosen one word as “the word of the year”. Since 1915, Webster has also selected a word of the year so I can’t claim they got the idea from me. In 2015, instead of selecting a word for the year, Wikipedia chose an emoticon/pictograph of the year. A sure sign of the times!
I can’t tell you how or the exact year this idea started for me – only that it’s worked brilliantly in providing focus on what’s important and in guiding choices.

The year I needed to make a major life decision, my word was CHOICES. For perhaps the first time ever, I realized I had a choice in that situation. It was transforming. The next year, my word was ADVENTURE. At the tender age of 47, I started swimming, biking and running, and learned about my love for triathlons. In another year, the word was ABUNDANCE. Everything I needed, and even some things I wanted, found me. The next year the word was GRATITUDE – for my family and husband, my health, and the gift of rising every day to live life doing what I love. Last year my word was SIMPLIFY. My last of three children left for college. For the first time in almost 26 years, the nest was empty so I decluttered, chose commitments wisely as well as eliminated what didn’t feed my soul. This year my word is JOY – having that eternal feeling of inner bliss in all situations.

What’s your one word? Share it on our Facebook page. It’s Just. One. Word. And, it’s guaranteed to help you connect with your purpose and become the butterfly you’re meant to be.

Posted in Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Healthy Relationships, Mental Abuse, Self-Advocacy, Self-Empowerment, Uncategorized, Unhealthy Relationships | Tags: Adventure, Butterfly, Choices, Goals, Marriage, One Word, Purpose, Relationship | Leave a comment |

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